A night at the Pantomime

A night at the Pantomime

Queue the lights, queue the music, queue the anticipation.
The lights are bright, the noise swells up
and the glitter glistens in ostentation.
Strike up the music, strike up the band, strike a chord.
Dancers are swirling, they dazzle and twirl
as the chorus sings and the children giggle, you can’t be bored.
The principal boy, a nice girl they say, meets a princess and falls in love.
The dame has a moustache but cuts quite a dash and gives the script a bit of a shove.
Sometimes there are sisters, ugly as sin and sometimes a goose or a cat.
Sometimes there’s a lamp, sometimes a launderette and sometimes they fly on a mat.
Sometimes there’s a croc with fitted alarm or a rat who happens to be king
And sometimes there are twins on wobbly pins, or seven small dwarves that just sing.
They might have two good shoes, one for each foot, or it might be a case of a lost slipper.
It might have a Lord Mayor or a clock that strikes twelve, or a hooked man that is the ship’s grumpy skipper.
They might climb up a beanstalk into the air or plummet into caves down below
But whatever the story, whatever the tale, it’s always a plot that we know.
Slap on the paint, slap on the back and bring on the slapstick.
The audience participate with hisses and boos
‘He’s behind you’, ‘oh, no he’s isn’t ‘, getting it right is the trick.
Drag up the old jokes, drag on the pantomime horse and bring on the drag,
double entendres, risqué nudges and grins.
Birthday children on stage, giving their age and are given gifts in a plastic bag.
It might be in London on a road paved with gold, or in Peking the capital town.
The fairy always enters stage right, the villain the left and we always empathise with the clown.
It might be a desert location, arid and hot or a forest that’s cold and it’s damp.
They may be stalked by ghosts or wild animals fierce, but they all excel in the camp.
The prince gets his princess, the baddie will always turn over a new leaf,
The old king will get the widow and a bit of a shock, but its fantasy to his relief.
The cast will be happy, they will all change for the glittering finale
The dame will take centre stage, and thank the band and others ver-bally!

The last time I ever took my mum to the panto, the first time she Twanky spied,
she began to loudly giggle and then had hysterics, she laughed so much she cried.
And so she continued, her infectious laugh oozing down the aisle to the stage side.
Within a matter of minutes, all around were laughing and even the cast could not stay dry-eyed.
The show was in chaos, but even Twanky was laughing and could not spank her
With tears in her eyes, she just realised that all she could do was to thank her.
Linda Prince